Ever feel like you screwed it all up

my dh has a hobby, more like a life passion, it steals his attention from everything and it is his only goal in life. I have stumbled into a scary place where maybe this was all a mistake?? was he not the marring kind? was he supposed to be a starving artist who died alone? I am so very frustrated. ugh

Do things change?

Well that was depressing. I just went back and read the posts from 4 freaking years ago and nothing has really changed. I am now a accomplished manager of my office and can turn stinkey rotten lemons into lemon pie. We decided to minimize, I want to move into a mini house farm and have space. We did build a new bedroom set which is lovely and small but has more storage then before.

working mom

I never wanted to be a working mom per se, I waned to wait until my litle ones were in school but this week I put in 53 hours!!! granted 17 were on friday, but still that's a lot of time to be away from my little one. I really don't know how I feel about it either, I had all three on saturday and was overwhelmed! They fought, whined and just drove me nuts. So now I don't know what I want, I really want to give youngest all the mommy time he deserves but I resent that it feels like when we are together he is such a turd.

 

this was a be u t full sunset
 

frustration

I can't believe how tired this feeling leaves me. I have been so
stressed out lately and now with my son home I think I will go insane. I never realized being a mom would make me loose my mind.

There are those days when no matter how simple and complete the instruction is, there is no comprehension or completion of the task. You have to get 3 kids dressed and in the car in 10 minuets or you will be later, yes, later because you already are late. You hustle around finding shoes, socks and the dog, so you can leave five minuets ago. You call out, yell out, scream out, freak out. When everyone in the car and buckled in you notice the baby only has on a shirt, that your daughter is Cinderella costume, instead of regular clothes, and your oldest is fashionably outfitted in a shirt with holes and pants that are actually for his little brother and his dress shoes! Is it that much just to expect them to put on real clothes?

These days my life is frustrating, why is it anytime I want to .... live better, eat better,...be better, I fail so miserably? I wanted to show my hubby I could do it this week all on my own (he thinks I am to dependant on him), well, when he got home one Friday I still hadn't made it to the grocery and the kids and I were living off cereal and noodles & cheese. I wanted to be strong, confident, organized, but instead I am frustrated. Granted, he didn't care he was just so happy to be home after a week away, but I had such grand expectations.

The reality is, however, if I gave up the expectations entirely, I never achieve anything, because I never wanted to. I just stopped at the store on the way to the meeting and got the kids clothes and we ended up showing up and the prefect time. My wonderful hubby was just thrilled that I had tended to some things here at the house. If I shoot myself to the stars and end up on the moon at least I went some where.